Is Giving A Second Chance To A Relationship Worth It?

Last updated on July 22nd, 2022 at 08:48 am - By Dr. Chandni Tugnait

When Should You Give Someone A Second Chance

Are you ready to give up on your relationship because things aren't going well? Or maybe you've already given up and now you want to try something new? Either way, you might want to consider giving your ex another chance.

There are plenty of reasons why relationships fail. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with you or your partner. Other times, it's due to outside influences. Whatever the reason, sometimes it makes sense to give a second chance to a failed relationship.

 

There are some situations where giving someone a second chance can be beneficial. For example, if you've broken up with someone abusive, then it might be worth giving them another shot. If you're having trouble finding love, then perhaps it would be better to look elsewhere.

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Not everyone deserves a second chance.

You must process your emotions correctly so that you do not get trapped in the pattern of breaking up and getting back together endlessly. More often than not, it is the trauma bond that keeps people hooked to the drama in a relationship.

Everyone makes mistakes. But first, you need to ask yourself if this is a one-time error or a pattern. It all depends on the main issue of the rift; for instance, in the case of chronic lying or cheating, one may not be in a position to forgive the other and build trust again.

Trust your gut and don’t get swayed by emotions. It is important to be sure, instead of feeling obligated to give them another chance. If you feel there has been a change in action and not just words, you may wish to give it a shot. Focus on all the red and green flags in the relationship, before taking the plunge again. After all, the quality of our relationships impacts every facet of our lives.

Before giving someone a second chance, make sure you know the following: 

• Why they cheated
• If they’re really sorry
• What they’ve changed about themselves
• If you can trust them again

You must process your emotions correctly so that you do not get trapped in the pattern of breaking up and getting back together endlessly. More often than not, it is the trauma bond that keeps people hooked to the drama in a relationship.

Of course, we are humans and make mistakes. But you first need to understand, if this is a one-time error or a pattern. Moreover, it all depends on the main issue of the rift; for instance, in the case of chronic lying or cheating, one may not be in a position to forgive the other and build trust again.

Trust your gut and don’t get swayed by emotions. It is important to be sure, instead of feeling obligated to give them another chance. In case, you feel that there has been a change in action and not just words, you may wish to give it a shot. Focus on all the red and green flags in the relationship, before taking the plunge again. After all, the quality of our relationships impacts every facet of our lives.

These are all important factors to consider before making a decision.

1. Can you forgive them?

This, by far, is the most important step because if you aren’t willing to forgive and look past the mistake, it will be an endless saga of drama and trauma for both in the future. Holding a grudge never does any good. If you are unable to forgive your partner and feel that the mistake is big enough to end the relationship, honor the decision, and don’t get back together.

However, if you do get back and you decide to give it a second chance, be sure to start on a clean slate without any grudge, taunts, or baggage. Feeling resentful, or fearful and bringing up the same topic over and over again, would make a deeper scar in the relationship and add to pain for both.

2. Have they acknowledged and apologized for their mistake?

Is your partner acting like nothing happened? Is he blaming you for being oversensitive or are they genuinely acknowledging the error and apologizing for messing up? The apology has to be genuine, instead of manipulation or paying lip service. Let them take responsibility for the mess, watch their actions (and not just focus on their words), and accept the apology only when you are clear about your feelings and theirs.

3. Are you both committed to making it work?

The drive to nurture the relationship has to come from both. Authentic communication, compassion, gratitude, honoring personal space, being open about feelings, verbalizing your expectations, making bigger changes, offering, and receiving constructive feedback, and practicing effective conflict resolution are key to a healthy relationship.

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